Moving Forward After Losing Our Little Angel

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write, but I feel obligated to do it because my little Angel asked me to… On January 9th, my wife gave birth to our baby girl, Nina, but she was born dead — a stillbirth.

I call her my Angel because she has been guiding me over the past 10 months, and she even warned me that this was going to happen…

Over the past 10 months, she had been giving me visions, both in my sleep, and while I was awake. She told me everything through these visions, but I chose not to believe them. Doctors visits confirmed these fears, but I chose not to believe them, either. My wife and I chose to stay optimistic and hope for the best. We hoped for a miracle and we got one, just not the exact miracle we were hoping for…

The truth is, my little Angel chose a different path than my two boys have chosen… she chose to stay with us physically for a much shorter period of time, but she is still with us spiritually.

She loves art and music and she has been guiding me as I create my art for many months now. She has directed me to start writing and sharing my story more regularly and it is through this commitment I’ve made to her that I’m even able to write this… Tears are streaming down my face as I am typing, but I am getting it done, nevertheless.

Nina wasn’t able to live with us in the physical realm, but I know there is a reason she came at all… she came to remind me that we are surrounded by angels and spiritual guides and she came to help me and my family, specifically.

The miracle she provided is that my wife is alive and in great health even though she was delivered “en caul” at our house, before we could make it to the hospital.

Truthfully, I haven’t been able to create any art since her birth, but I am looking at the last few paintings she helped me create and I see the love and beauty… I see the beautiful symphonies of Mother Nature… I see the divine and the miraculous shining through.

I have been too heartbroken to create with her since that day, but I know we will collaborate more… and it will be beautiful, and she will help me spread the joy and the love I feel from her and for her. She is my Angel, she is a shining light, she is one with the Universe, and she is pure love.


  1. Liz Cotton on January 19, 2018 at 7:25 AM

    You and Monique are two really brave peeps. I love your philosophy and the fact that you believe Nina was a gift to your family. I remember feeling absolutely heartbroken when I read Monique’s blog about what had happened. I can’t begin to imagine how you, Monique and the boys, not to mention all the extended family of grannies and grandpas, uncles and aunts must have felt. It’s good and healthy to grieve, never deny yourself that indulgence. When you are ready, the creativity will spring back to life. In the meantime, accept whatever emotions are flowing over you. It’s all perfectly normal. Take your time to get back on track again. You have had a shocking and disturbing experience. Even though Nina was trying to prepare you for what was going to happen, one can never be adequately prepared, because one wants to expect the best of such a situation. There are going to be good and bad days for a long time. Wishing you all strength. Just be there for each and every one of you.

    • Derek Alvarez on January 24, 2018 at 5:36 AM

      Thank you, Liz. I really appreciate it <3

  2. Clondon on January 21, 2018 at 4:34 AM

    Derek I don’t know you or your family personally, but I can feel your pain in the words you wrote . I saw your art in London and it is beautiful. I am sure Nina will inspire even more beauty and colours coming from you. I am sorry for your loss but I am hopeful that good things will come to you and your family and that you will find another way to live looking at your angel up above.

    • Derek Alvarez on January 24, 2018 at 5:37 AM

      Thank you, Clondon. Sometimes the kindest words can come from strangers.

Leave a Reply